Day 26 of 30 Days On Dads: Racist/Prejudice Slurs; What You Say Tells More About You To Your Kids Than You Think

Racial Slurs

First, if you’re offended by racial slurs, you may not want to read this blog post. Personally, I think the fact that people will not type/write/say “nigger”, but will say “n-word” instead is absurd. The use of the term “n-word” is an attempt to erase the racial dynamite and history of a word that America has loved, used to oppress an entire people group and exported. I don’t believe in using the “n-word”, because growing up, someone white didn’t say, “Look at the n-word”, they said, “Look at that nigger!” Truckers on the road didn’t call my wife an “n-lover”, they called her a “nigger-lover”.

The Paula Deen remarks (if you’re not up on the story, click here) from her deposition reminded me of the fact that we often let the part of us grown out of the DNA from America’s soil come out in front of our children.

When I was growing up, I heard racial slurs said about certain groups, but the problem was, I didn’t know the words were racial slurs! I may have repeated them because I heard them at home, in school, or on TV. Understand that I’m not talking about being politically correct, but I’m talking about how republicans, democrats, church folk, black folks, white folks, brown folks, homosexual, heterosexual, you name it, all know what words they can use to insult another group that is different than their own.

Sometimes we as adults will try to explain our racist/prejudice language to the children (who may even call us out on it) with the excuse, “Well, I was just raised that way…”.

White people from the South may say, “Well, we always just called black people niggers where I grew up, and they didn’t seem to mind. Even today, they call each other that word, so why is it wrong?”

Black people just loved when old George Jefferson on The Jefferson’s would call Tom a honky, as if his use of that slur was some sort of equalizer. But as they say, “Do two wrongs make a right?” Well, it doesn’t make it “even” in front of our kids. I was quite old when I learned that A-rab, (pronounced AY-rab) was a derogatory term. I just thought that was the proper term for the people that owned many of the stores in my neighborhood because that’s what everyone else called them.

Perhaps the worse incident was when I was in high school, I had a teacher and students thought his last name was “McQueer”. Because he was rather effeminate, jokes were made about how his last name matched his behavior. But one day I was in the hallway when another student saw him and said, “Hi Mr. McQueer.” He turned around like the exorcist and responded with, “What did you say? Did you call me McQueer?” With the most serious face, the student said, “Yes, that’s your name isn’t it?” He yelled back, “No, my name is McQueen!”

While I didn’t like the guy, I felt so bad for the both of them. She really thought that was his name because that’s what everyone else was saying behind his back, and he felt she was making a bold slur about his sexuality.

So I hope this causes all of us to check our hearts, because our mouth only speaks what is inside. We need to be willing to confront and change our racist/prejudice thoughts and actions, or we will poison yet another generation. We must also be willing to confront our own family members when they use these slurs. Some of you may be reading this and say, “I would never say offensive things like that…”, but do you condone when your family members crack the jokes, tell the stories, or talk about another group using slurs? When they may say, “Yea, that guy tried to Jew me down, but I stood firm…”, does that sentence ever cause us to raise an eyebrow?

I remember correcting my grandfather, a World War II veteran, when he was talking about “The Japs”. Sometimes, those who refer to imported-modified vehicles as “Ricers” need to be corrected as well, but first I had to correct myself. I thought, “Would the Japanese people I work with want me calling a car “Riced-Out” while I’m talking to them?” I doubt it.

Kinda makes me think, if the term “Redskin” is not offensive, would I go to a reservation singing the Hail To The Redskins song?

No thanks, I’ll pass, because like I always say, if someone like Dr. Laura thinks calling someone a nigger is okay because they call each other that, or someone thinks, “My “best friend” uses it…”, I dare you to roll up to “the hood”, find a group of black people, and go through saying, “What’s up niggers!”. Yea, and do it in Detroit, where the police response time is less than stellar. That will add even more excitement.

So lets truly teach our kids, that the most lovely sound to anyone, is their name. And if their name sounds like it might be offensive, ask them to repeat it first to avoid an embarrassing moment like my classmate.


30 Days of Dad: Day 23 – Police Officer Doesn’t Believe Young Men Have A Home In An Upscale Neighborhood…Having “The Talk” With Your Boys

I can go so many places with this vid:


  • I can remember being with my “old” dad, getting pulled over in the suburbs having to answer, “What are you doing over here?”, as he was pulled over for no reason. I now know how insulting that is to happen in front of your children.
  • Some of you are thinking, “He had to pull them over because of their nice Cadillac as they may have been drug dealers”…nah, looks like they were rolling in an old Toyota Corolla.
  • Do you think these guys will get on Ellen or some other talk show if this goes viral? Surely if the cop has arrested those thugs for breaking into rich folk’s houses, he’d be on the news, Today show, etc..
  • Do White folks viewing this see why we have to have, “The Talk” with our kids? Perhaps what’s worse, as that you don’t “age out”. That means that whether 45 with a college degree or 65 and living off the interest from your retirement account (like these young men are going to do at this rate), this will still happen to you.
  • While this cop spends this much time “investigating”, some kid who never “looks suspicious”, is next door possibly doing heroin, stealing his identity over the web, or plotting his next terrorist attack, but he will never be racially profiled or randomly checked just for being “out of his place”.
  • No matter how much money you have, this is a reminder to the young guys, that you’re still a Ni____.
  • This is 2016, so how do you think this played out in 1946? If these young men could have invested in this community then, how would this impact their wealth today? Because of Jim Crow and “red-lining”, Black folks could not live the American Dream in most neighborhoods where property increased which totally undercuts their opportunity become wealthy and have something to pass on their offspring.
  • Go look up the Dred Scott decision of 1857.

It’s sad that my grandfather had to go through this.

My father had to go through this.

I had to go through this.

My sons will have to go through this.

My grand kids will have to go through this.

…and next time Mr. Officer, could you please be a gentleman and not walk on other people’s lawn?

That’s something I have always taught my children not to do.


30 Days Of Dad: Day 17 – Why Naming Your Kids “John”, Teaching Them To Just “Be Nice” and Work Hard Is Still…Not Enough

I absolutely love the cartoon put together in Hidden Colors 3 showing all of the ways that Black folks in America have tried to be accepted. As society remembers Muhammad Ali and all of a sudden seem to love him so, history shows that he was not always loved. He was unapologetically Black.

I’m defeating America’s so-called threats and enemies. And the flag is going dun-dun-dun-dun. I’m standing so proud.

And I’d have whooped the world for America. I took my gold medal, thought I’d invented something.

I said, “Man, I know I’m going to get my people freedom. I’m the champion of the whole world. Olympic champion. I know I can eat downtown now.”

And I went downtown that day, had my big gold medal on, and went in a restaurant.

And at that time, things weren’t integrated. Black folks couldn’t eat downtown. And I went downtown, I sat down, and I said, ‘A cup of coffee, a hotdog.’

The lady said, ‘We don’t serve Negroes.’ I was so mad, I said, ‘I don’t eat them either, just give me a cup of coffee and a hamburger.’

You know, I said, ‘I’m the Olympic gold medal-winner. I won three days, I fought for this country in Rome, I won the gold medal, and I’m going to eat.’

And I heard her tell the manager, and he said, ‘Well, he’s got to go out.’ They put me out.”

In the end, Muhammad Ali was comfortable in his skin. Something that it took me a great many years to learn, after going to the white churches, the white schools, getting the degree, and getting the office job.

I’ve noticed that my young brothers and sisters are still struggling with these same issues today. Be you, as the price of entry will always be far higher than you could ever pay.

But ask yourself this questions, “Why do you want to get “in” in the first place?”

I think Cassius Clay began to ponder that question himself and the rest as they say…is history.



Ready To Homeschool Your Kids Yet?

I have written about this in the past and it’s time to bring the topic up yet again.

I didn’t learn about Rosewood until the movie was made and I was pushing 30.

I didn’t know about Black Wall Street until I was about the same age.

People have asked if I homeschooled just because I didn’t want my kids in a “bad” school.

People have asked if I homeschooled just because I wanted them to have a Christian education.

How about because I just want them to be taught the truth?


This country can’t even report the facts in the midst of the tragedy in Orlando, Florida. While this is no surprise to most in the Black community, it is insulting.

You know, it has the same feeling if 1,000 people died in the U.K. and the Brits shouted, “This is the worst terrorist attack the world has ever seen!” I think American’s would have a problem with this statement, in while empathizing with the country.

However, there is no empathy, but “it never happened”. American massacres are never taught in the classroom, so ignorance and insult reigns supreme.


Real Terrorism

Do your children even know about Oklahoma?

When was the last time you’ve heard/watched a memorial on that act of terrorism (outside of Oklahoma at least)?

Who did we go to war with after that event (the last time I checked, “his group” is still active in MI)?

How many movies have been made about the event?

What racial profiling and laws were created after this to keep “Americans safe” from such acts?

What presidential candidate is steady gaining momentum with shouts of expelling white male terrorist from the United States to keep us safe?

Black folks are not being uncaring about Orlando, but as Ralph Wiley wrote, this is Why Black People Tend To Shout…

Ralph Wiley


Hidden Colors 4 Is Coming Soon!

Oh yea, time to add #4 to volumes 1-3!

I learn so much from every edition and I bet you will also in this short 6 min. preview. I had no idea when I was watching Hulk Hogan, the Junkyard Dog and The Iron Sheik in “wrastlin'”, that this was where the Battle Royale came from:

Photo Source:

If you are in the midwest, the Ferris State Jim Crow museum is a perfect place for a kid’s field trip! Warning, I hope you don’t have a weak stomach for the truth.

Lets Teach Our Children What NOT To Say, And Why: “You’re Probably A Racist If You Say”

May I add a couple of more?

  • “They are a bunch of thugs”
  • “You not like the rest of them”
  • “You’re good at dancing right?”
  • “Can I touch your hair?”
  • “Jesus was white.”
  • “There were some good parts to slavery.”

You might be racist

Movie Debut of 2016…We Just Have To Wait Until October: THE BIRTH OF A NATION

Stand in line to see Star Wars? Nah, but this one, I’m in!

That said:
a.) I really hope it “went there” (because we’ve seen how things “get edited”) or white saviors appear that never existed
b.) I really hope it’s in more than just 4 theaters in the entire country
c.) Imagine the Hollywood quandary if it makes $500M?

Would studios make more stories on Black uprisings or leave money on the table? Remember, those stories are largely untold because they explain how brutal America’s slave system really was to fellow human beings just a few generations ago. There might be some explaining to do when the country has taught slavery was about evangelism and work for immigrants from Africa to children for 150 years.

Did you know that the lynching was never outlawed? Think about all of the trivial laws, especially over the last 150 years, and ask yourself how that one just slipped by. What about Sundown Town killings? Those committed during The Nadir were at least illegal by law (e.g. Emmett Till and Medgar Evers), even if no one got prosecuted like most police shootings these days.

No, Byron De La Beckwith‘s conviction at the end of his life does not count.

Therefore, remember that you could do whatever you wanted to your property during slavery! As Christians, we have to acknowledge that this type of worldview would have opened to door for every kind of evil (remember Genesis 6:5) that sears the soul of the slave owners and society as a whole.

“Question: “What does it mean to have a seared conscience?”

Answer: The Bible speaks of a seared conscience in 1 Timothy 4:2. The conscience is the God-given moral consciousness within each of us (Romans 2:15). If the conscience is “seared”—literally “cauterized”—then it has been rendered insensitive. Such a conscience does not work properly; it’s as if “spiritual scar tissue” has dulled the sense of right and wrong. Just as the hide of an animal scarred with a branding iron becomes numb to further pain, so the heart of an individual with a seared conscience is desensitized to moral pangs.”


Now, if people fought for freedom, this “attitude of rebellion” could have spread to other plantations. So-called slaves may have even outnumbered their “owners” on a plantation, so the brutality had to extra dehumanizing if you will. This was needed to keep the slaves scared and achieve the ultimate goal, a soul with no self-determination, hope, unwilling to fight, but more than willing to provide free labor.

Bonus points (or butter biscuits) if they would even snitch and oppress each other.

So, I’d bet Hollywood would make the usual chess move.

If successful, Hollywood would make the movie, but someone like Marcus Garvey will be played by John Goodman, “in a riveting story about their desire and journey to spread the bible and democracy back to the savages left in Africa…”.

So there’s a risk even if the film is on-point. But it’s a risk I’m glad we finally get to take.

Roots and 12 Years A Slave have a place, but there’s a reason why we have not seen a movie on the slaves that were willing to get free, die trying and helping others do the same. Because if our bodies are free today, there are still tricks to be used to keep our minds shackled.



“You Know, Preacher’s Kids Are the Worst”


Have you ever heard that saying?

It comes from the standard that is often set by society on those who have parents in the pulpit. They are expected to act “better than”, because their are expected to be model examples of the ideals spread by their father from the pulpit.

If you are the sibling who does not get into trouble in the family, your face likely blushes every time someone says, “You know what they say, you PK kids are the worst…your brother/sister should know better since your dad is a pastor.”

Well, that’s how I sometimes feel with my brothers and sisters in Christ when they speak on issues related to so-called race. I blush, because my Black friends who are enemies of Christ say exactly the same thing, “You know, you Christians are the biggest racist as (insert comment about KKK, support for racist politicians and usage of the bible during slavery among many other examples), and you think that “white jesus” they gave you is going to save you.” I then have to sift through fact vs. fiction and point out what the bible really says, that some are not Christians at all, and those that are, often embrace their earthly ethnicity over their heavenly heritage.

I’m now blushing over what I heard about someone in the ministry I respected named James White.

The original post has been removed and since I’m playing catch up, I’m going to refer readers over to the spectacular job done by Jemar Tisby and Beau York over at RAAN. Please check out this episode titled, Pass The Mic: Processing James White With Jemar Tisby.

I’m bring this up to reinforce that this is why I speak about race so much on this blog about fatherhood. First, the comments appeared to involve yet another Black young man and is draped in coded racist language. Inside the church and out, people who hold these views are teaching in the pulpits, our bible classes, Christian/government schools, work on the police force, work as managers, etc.. As long as Black folks act “better than” and “are different”, they are accepted by the “moral majority”. But if taken outside of the church doors (or even inside under the right circumstances like with the issue of so-called interracial dating), that is when the true feelings of the heart begin to come out.

Secondly, I want all Christians to understand that this collective sin needs to be dealt with and that the Body of Christ is suffering whether it wants to admit it or not.

The ramifications for not doing so means that Black Christians are again separating from our own family members. Of course, history has shown us that this separation (e.g. segregation) has always been desired collectively by Christians in the United States. I have wrote about my own experience a bit here and just earlier today (before hearing about the James White post), I brought up the idea of framing, and the impact it has on how people view others in this country. Statements by Mr. White ensure that I will continue to speak out and quite honestly, why I even keep my so-called Black children out of the Christian schools.

Worry About Our Man

Sadly, statements made here by Mr. White seem to indicate that he is holding on to his views, which is unfortunate. Jonathan Edwards certainly held a worldly and not a biblical view of slavery. I certainly hope Black ministers in his circle have a chance to have an open dialogue with him and point out why many are disappointed in his assumptions and the implicit bias in his statements. Sadly, Voddie Baucham, another brother I greatly respect and who has obviously influenced our home, is being used as “that Black guy”. You know…the one who “can say the same thing but if he were white, he could not”.  I do not have the time nor space right now to pick this argument apart, but it is as much of a straw-man argument as the “well what about black-on-black crime” statement. I will say, I have always felt that some of his comments were more in-house discussions, because those on the outside will not put them into the proper perspective and once again (as this isn’t the first time), he’s being used to defend the statements by James White.

Let me add one final thing.

When me and my boy Rob were attending a church that was heavily focused on Christian apologetics, Rob made a great point that, “When you teach people how to think critically about things, they will also think critically about you as well.” We later would leave the church, as they were not very cool with the idea of people in the congregation looking critically at some of their behind-the-scene financial practices.

Ironically, this is the church that I learned and listened to James White quite a bit, but it is with this apologetic critical eye that I will now turn towards Mr. White. I will also be praying for him as well.

Our Father told the story of the Good Samaritan and once again the reaction of a fellow Christian to seeing someone who fit a certain stereotype in their mind, resembles the behavior of the priest and the Levite.

The preacher’s kids are the worst. They are the worst that is in all of us. But sometimes we need to look at them and know that they need the same grace we all need and are under the same conviction of the Holy Spirit. So if they are the worst, we all need to remember,”Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.”–Romans 5:20. So while we should not ignore the public comments/position by James White, we should ask why he feels so comfortable taking such a stance. Do you agree with Mr. White and how do you defend your position biblically?



CSD Podcast #18 – The Tribe and I Give Our Review of the Movie RACE


Welcome to our kitchen table! Make yourself comfortable, sit-back, gather your thoughts. The kids and I went to the movies to see the movie Race and decided to have a hot mic and let you listen in to one of our fairly typical discussions.

Click HERE to listen:

Forgive the noise in the background, as our dining room table is certainly not a sound-proof studio. Having the windows open on a warm day was no help either.

The kids made me so proud, as each expressed their own thoughts, aren’t afraid to be challenged, but were a bit afraid of the microphone. They made me excited (so forgive my enthusiasm), but I really got comfortable kicking it with them as people, and not children.

They did need to learn that silence on the air is a no-no!

If  you’ve seen the movie Race, great. If not, spoiler alerts abound, but I think you know how the story ended.

We teach our children to think critically about all things, most notably the bible, politics, education and especially media. You will hear some of the trigger points that we look for to tell if a person or organization has a certain bias. In media, where there are absolutely no coincidences and everything is a particular way for a particular reason, we are especially critical.

Therefore, we don’t believe in conspiracy theories (e.g. they didn’t mean that, you are reading too much into ___), but understand that every detail is intentional, whether through omission or commission.

Our soundtrack for the show?

BDP’s, You Must Learn – what else for such an occasion! This is certainly an anthem for us and one of the first songs that taught me more black history than I ever learned in my 12 years of schooling. I remember hearing the album cut and getting mad that it wasn’t the remix/video version:

If you’d like to learn more about fact and fiction featured in the film, I encourage you to check out



  • : ideas or statements that are often false or exaggerated and that are spread in order to help a cause, a political leader, a government, etc.

Source: merriam-webster


I leave you with comments from the above website, historyvshollywood. The movie basically ignored how the story really ended, and that explains quite a bit in and of itself.

“What happened to Jesse Owens following his success in Berlin?

In researching the Race true story, we learned that following his success at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, the Amateur Athletic Union had arranged a post-Olympic tour of Europe for Owens to participate in. Owens found himself under financial strain while on the often unpredictable Olympic tour and instead decided to return home to his wife and try his luck in Hollywood. He hoped to capitalize on his fame much like Olympic swimmer Johnny Weissmuller did after medaling in the 1924 and 1928 Olympics. Unlike Weissmuller, who found fame starring in the Tarzan movies, Owen’s skin color undoubtedly affected his job prospects in a country that was still separated by segregation. He only managed to find limited success on the vaudeville circuit. The decision to try to capitalize on his triumphs as an athlete put him at odds with the athletic union, who stripped him of his amateur status.

“After I came home from the 1936 Olympics with my four medals, it became increasingly apparent that everyone was going to slap me on the back, want to shake my hand or have me up to their suite,” Owens commented, “but no one was going to offer me a job.”

With limited opportunities and a wife and three daughters to support, Owens did things like running against racehorses and working at gas stations. “What was I supposed to do?” Owens said later. “I had four gold medals, but you can’t eat four gold medals.” He staged a series of post-Olympic comebacks, some successful, some not. He eventually moved to Chicago and traveled the country as an inspirational speaker. He spent much of his spare time working with disadvantaged youth. Over the years, he wasn’t untouched by controversy. At times, he was called an “Uncle Tom” for refusing to take a more disruptive stance against racism. However, in the end, Owens is held in no less esteem than fellow race pioneers likeJackie Robinson and Joe Louis. All took enormous strides against racism via defining moments that helped to encourage a change in the cultural landscape.”


Happy President’s Day from CSD! Now…You Wanna Hear A Secret?

The Great Griot is one of my favorite Youtube channels. Our family has watched every video and the quality keeps getting better and better, but it is the material that is invaluable and always leaves us wanting to search for more after each short lesson.

Once again, I have learned more history in this show than I EVER learned in twelve years of formal school or home. Had it not been for my great professor, Dr. Lyn Lewis, I would throw college in there as well.

This short and terrific video is a great one to watch for President’s Day and to foster a discussion with your children.

Some other highlights:

  • Have you ever been told to “Go back to Africa” (I have and it’s often preceded with, “If you don’t like it here…”)? Find out why that idea has already been tried, and why it didn’t work before. Trust me, the reason is the same why I did not work too well for Liberia and would not work now.
  • Did you learn or teach your children,  that Ole Honest Abe freed the slaves?
  • What were his true feelings?
  • Is America built on Christian values, the “superiority of the white race”, or both?
  • Did the country’s founding fathers really view all men as equal? (If not, are you still quick to assume they are Christians?)
  • For those with multi-ethnic children  (or as they say, “mixed-kids”), what did one of “our” greatest presidents really think about you and your offspring?

Lastly, do you see the comparison between President Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln in a different light? If so or if not, I’d love to hear why in the comments below.