Day 26 of 30 Days On Dads: Racist/Prejudice Slurs; What You Say Tells More About You To Your Kids Than You Think

Racial Slurs

First, if you’re offended by racial slurs, you may not want to read this blog post. Personally, I think the fact that people will not type/write/say “nigger”, but will say “n-word” instead is absurd. The use of the term “n-word” is an attempt to erase the racial dynamite and history of a word that America has loved, used to oppress an entire people group and exported. I don’t believe in using the “n-word”, because growing up, someone white didn’t say, “Look at the n-word”, they said, “Look at that nigger!” Truckers on the road didn’t call my wife an “n-lover”, they called her a “nigger-lover”.

The Paula Deen remarks (if you’re not up on the story, click here) from her deposition reminded me of the fact that we often let the part of us grown out of the DNA from America’s soil come out in front of our children.

When I was growing up, I heard racial slurs said about certain groups, but the problem was, I didn’t know the words were racial slurs! I may have repeated them because I heard them at home, in school, or on TV. Understand that I’m not talking about being politically correct, but I’m talking about how republicans, democrats, church folk, black folks, white folks, brown folks, homosexual, heterosexual, you name it, all know what words they can use to insult another group that is different than their own.

Sometimes we as adults will try to explain our racist/prejudice language to the children (who may even call us out on it) with the excuse, “Well, I was just raised that way…”.

White people from the South may say, “Well, we always just called black people niggers where I grew up, and they didn’t seem to mind. Even today, they call each other that word, so why is it wrong?”

Black people just loved when old George Jefferson on The Jefferson’s would call Tom a honky, as if his use of that slur was some sort of equalizer. But as they say, “Do two wrongs make a right?” Well, it doesn’t make it “even” in front of our kids. I was quite old when I learned that A-rab, (pronounced AY-rab) was a derogatory term. I just thought that was the proper term for the people that owned many of the stores in my neighborhood because that’s what everyone else called them.

Perhaps the worse incident was when I was in high school, I had a teacher and students thought his last name was “McQueer”. Because he was rather effeminate, jokes were made about how his last name matched his behavior. But one day I was in the hallway when another student saw him and said, “Hi Mr. McQueer.” He turned around like the exorcist and responded with, “What did you say? Did you call me McQueer?” With the most serious face, the student said, “Yes, that’s your name isn’t it?” He yelled back, “No, my name is McQueen!”

While I didn’t like the guy, I felt so bad for the both of them. She really thought that was his name because that’s what everyone else was saying behind his back, and he felt she was making a bold slur about his sexuality.

So I hope this causes all of us to check our hearts, because our mouth only speaks what is inside. We need to be willing to confront and change our racist/prejudice thoughts and actions, or we will poison yet another generation. We must also be willing to confront our own family members when they use these slurs. Some of you may be reading this and say, “I would never say offensive things like that…”, but do you condone when your family members crack the jokes, tell the stories, or talk about another group using slurs? When they may say, “Yea, that guy tried to Jew me down, but I stood firm…”, does that sentence ever cause us to raise an eyebrow?

I remember correcting my grandfather, a World War II veteran, when he was talking about “The Japs”. Sometimes, those who refer to imported-modified vehicles as “Ricers” need to be corrected as well, but first I had to correct myself. I thought, “Would the Japanese people I work with want me calling a car “Riced-Out” while I’m talking to them?” I doubt it.

Kinda makes me think, if the term “Redskin” is not offensive, would I go to a reservation singing the Hail To The Redskins song?

No thanks, I’ll pass, because like I always say, if someone like Dr. Laura thinks calling someone a nigger is okay because they call each other that, or someone thinks, “My “best friend” uses it…”, I dare you to roll up to “the hood”, find a group of black people, and go through saying, “What’s up niggers!”. Yea, and do it in Detroit, where the police response time is less than stellar. That will add even more excitement.

So lets truly teach our kids, that the most lovely sound to anyone, is their name. And if their name sounds like it might be offensive, ask them to repeat it first to avoid an embarrassing moment like my classmate.

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30 Days of Dad: Day 23 – Police Officer Doesn’t Believe Young Men Have A Home In An Upscale Neighborhood…Having “The Talk” With Your Boys

I can go so many places with this vid:

 

  • I can remember being with my “old” dad, getting pulled over in the suburbs having to answer, “What are you doing over here?”, as he was pulled over for no reason. I now know how insulting that is to happen in front of your children.
  • Some of you are thinking, “He had to pull them over because of their nice Cadillac as they may have been drug dealers”…nah, looks like they were rolling in an old Toyota Corolla.
  • Do you think these guys will get on Ellen or some other talk show if this goes viral? Surely if the cop has arrested those thugs for breaking into rich folk’s houses, he’d be on the news, Today show, etc..
  • Do White folks viewing this see why we have to have, “The Talk” with our kids? Perhaps what’s worse, as that you don’t “age out”. That means that whether 45 with a college degree or 65 and living off the interest from your retirement account (like these young men are going to do at this rate), this will still happen to you.
  • While this cop spends this much time “investigating”, some kid who never “looks suspicious”, is next door possibly doing heroin, stealing his identity over the web, or plotting his next terrorist attack, but he will never be racially profiled or randomly checked just for being “out of his place”.
  • No matter how much money you have, this is a reminder to the young guys, that you’re still a Ni____.
  • This is 2016, so how do you think this played out in 1946? If these young men could have invested in this community then, how would this impact their wealth today? Because of Jim Crow and “red-lining”, Black folks could not live the American Dream in most neighborhoods where property increased which totally undercuts their opportunity become wealthy and have something to pass on their offspring.
  • Go look up the Dred Scott decision of 1857.

It’s sad that my grandfather had to go through this.

My father had to go through this.

I had to go through this.

My sons will have to go through this.

My grand kids will have to go through this.

…and next time Mr. Officer, could you please be a gentleman and not walk on other people’s lawn?

That’s something I have always taught my children not to do.

CSD

30 Days on Dad: Day 22 – Diddy Dishes On Daughters Dating, But What Say You?

Introducing: The CornerstoneDad-Cost-to-Fun-Factor

CornerstoneDads out there:

  • How are you planning to deal with your daughter dating?
  • How are you currently dealing with your daughter dating?
  • When was she allowed to begin dating?
  • If you have sons also, is there a difference in the dating policy?
  • How does your daughter feel about your dating policy?
  • How does your wife feel about the dating policy?
  • What is your reason for the policy?
  • Is there even a policy?
  • From your experiences, what advice do you have for the other dads out there that may help them out?

So many questions, but plenty of space below for you to answer and help some of us who are getting close to that point!

30 Days of Dad: Day 21 – Parents, Yes You Can!

Black Parents Picking Homeschool Over Public School

I have to laugh at the crazy commentary at the end of the report by the news personalities.

Trust me, no one is trying to have their kids at home with them 24/7 when they could get basically free daycare each day, unless it was because they cared so much about their kids.

If their statement is valid, that must also mean that if you do not homeschool your kids, you must not care about them as much right?

I’m just going to leave that one right there…they said it, I didn’t.

Please check the map often to see if rules have changed in your state.

 

Homeschool map

 

Happy Father’s Day and Happy Independence Day!

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Happy Fathers’ Day to all of the CSD’s putting in that work holding down your family and Happy Juneteenth Day!

 

Sadly, none of my schools taught me about this day.

I did not even know about it until my uncle in CA told me about it at 22 yrs. old!

I don’t want others to be as ignorant as I was, but the 4th of July wasn’t about the independence of everyone, as the slaves were certainly not given their freedom. But don’t take my word for it, just ask Frederick Douglas who said,

“What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? and am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

Would to God, both for your sakes and ours, that an affirmative answer could be truthfully returned to these questions!”

Read the entire speech HERE.

Therefore, for those who have ancestors that were slaves, Juneteenth is considered our Independence Day in the United States of America.

Juneteenth.com/history.htm says:

Juneteenth is the oldest known celebration commemorating the ending of slavery in the United States.  Dating back to 1865, it was on June 19ththat the Union soldiers, led by Major General Gordon Granger, landed atGalveston, Texas with news that the war had ended and that the enslaved were now free. Note that this was two and a half years after President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation – which had become official January 1, 1863. The Emancipation Proclamation had little impact on the Texans due to the minimal number of Union troops to enforce the new Executive Order. However, with the surrender of General Lee in April of 1865, and thearrival of General Granger’s regiment, the forces were finally strong enough to influence and overcome the resistance.

Later attempts to explain this two and a half year delay in the receipt of this important news have yielded several versions that have been handed down through the years. Often told is the story of a messenger who was murdered on his way to Texas with the news of freedom. Another, is that the news wasdeliberately withheld by the enslavers to maintain the labor force on the plantations. And still another, is that federal troops actually waited for the slave owners to reap the benefits of one last cotton harvest before going to Texas to enforce the Emancipation Proclamation. All of which, or neither of these version could be true. Certainly, for some, President Lincoln’s authority over the rebellious states was in question   For whatever the reasons, conditions in Texasremained status quo well beyond what was statutory.

So Happy Juneteenth Day everyone!

CSD

30 Days of Dad: Day 18 – This Video Left Me Speechless, But Full of Emotion

All I can say on this video is:

1.)  If we could adopt this, how much would it impact our boys and us as fathers? It would encourage us, to stay in functional shape to carry our offspring physically if necessary, and help us physically to live longer to support them emotionally and spiritually.

2.) This is truly the spirit of what it means to be a CornerstoneDad.

Big Props to The Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy!

CSD

30 Days Of Dad: Day 17 – Why Naming Your Kids “John”, Teaching Them To Just “Be Nice” and Work Hard Is Still…Not Enough

I absolutely love the cartoon put together in Hidden Colors 3 showing all of the ways that Black folks in America have tried to be accepted. As society remembers Muhammad Ali and all of a sudden seem to love him so, history shows that he was not always loved. He was unapologetically Black.

I’m defeating America’s so-called threats and enemies. And the flag is going dun-dun-dun-dun. I’m standing so proud.

And I’d have whooped the world for America. I took my gold medal, thought I’d invented something.

I said, “Man, I know I’m going to get my people freedom. I’m the champion of the whole world. Olympic champion. I know I can eat downtown now.”

And I went downtown that day, had my big gold medal on, and went in a restaurant.

And at that time, things weren’t integrated. Black folks couldn’t eat downtown. And I went downtown, I sat down, and I said, ‘A cup of coffee, a hotdog.’

The lady said, ‘We don’t serve Negroes.’ I was so mad, I said, ‘I don’t eat them either, just give me a cup of coffee and a hamburger.’

You know, I said, ‘I’m the Olympic gold medal-winner. I won three days, I fought for this country in Rome, I won the gold medal, and I’m going to eat.’

And I heard her tell the manager, and he said, ‘Well, he’s got to go out.’ They put me out.”

In the end, Muhammad Ali was comfortable in his skin. Something that it took me a great many years to learn, after going to the white churches, the white schools, getting the degree, and getting the office job.

I’ve noticed that my young brothers and sisters are still struggling with these same issues today. Be you, as the price of entry will always be far higher than you could ever pay.

But ask yourself this questions, “Why do you want to get “in” in the first place?”

I think Cassius Clay began to ponder that question himself and the rest as they say…is history.

CSD

 

Ready To Homeschool Your Kids Yet?

I have written about this in the past and it’s time to bring the topic up yet again.

I didn’t learn about Rosewood until the movie was made and I was pushing 30.

I didn’t know about Black Wall Street until I was about the same age.

People have asked if I homeschooled just because I didn’t want my kids in a “bad” school.

People have asked if I homeschooled just because I wanted them to have a Christian education.

How about because I just want them to be taught the truth?

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This country can’t even report the facts in the midst of the tragedy in Orlando, Florida. While this is no surprise to most in the Black community, it is insulting.

You know, it has the same feeling if 1,000 people died in the U.K. and the Brits shouted, “This is the worst terrorist attack the world has ever seen!” I think American’s would have a problem with this statement, in while empathizing with the country.

However, there is no empathy, but “it never happened”. American massacres are never taught in the classroom, so ignorance and insult reigns supreme.

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Real Terrorism

Do your children even know about Oklahoma?

When was the last time you’ve heard/watched a memorial on that act of terrorism (outside of Oklahoma at least)?

Who did we go to war with after that event (the last time I checked, “his group” is still active in MI)?

How many movies have been made about the event?

What racial profiling and laws were created after this to keep “Americans safe” from such acts?

What presidential candidate is steady gaining momentum with shouts of expelling white male terrorist from the United States to keep us safe?

Black folks are not being uncaring about Orlando, but as Ralph Wiley wrote, this is Why Black People Tend To Shout…

Ralph Wiley

CSD